The Repeat Offender :My Testimony

Have you ever been in a church service where the spirit was high, The pastor is preaching the truth and convicting that sin you've been struggling with for so long? With tears in your eyes you make your way to the alter and plead with God. You ask him for forgiveness, you make a deal with Him that last night was the last time for real this time. The message is over and you're back at home, that high you felt at church is now gone. You find yourself back at square one struggling with this same sin again. Sadly this was my relationship with God for years as I played Russian Roulette with my life. Let me walk you through my journey to help you understand what I mean. As a little girl I grew up in the church. I gave my life to The Lord at the age of six, but gosh I really didn't know what that  meant. I actively served in my church's youth ministry, doing any and every activity they had to offer. I was on fire for God!! Now here I am in Middle school and that fire I once felt is beginning to burn out. I wanted less of church and more of my friends, music, and whatever else. Church became so boring now. I felt like Eve in the Garden. I now recognized good and evil. The shield my parents once kept me in is now gone. Fast forward to eight grade, Here I am fully developed and feeling like a woman. My baby weight is now gone, My face has matured, and my innocence went right out the window. Guys are beginning to notice me and it kinda feels good. I found myself in the company of a much older guy and on cloud nine. I began to do things out of my character and my upbringing. I began to lie to my parents, sneak on the phone to talk to him. Before I knew it I found myself in his bed doing big girl things. My purity was stripped from me. The sweet little girl I once knew was gone so far from me. Here I am still a baby and developed my first soul tie and the spirit of fornication had attached it's self to me. See when we open ourselves up to unholy things, and don't guard our hearts, these spirits cling to us. After this sexual encounter I completely changed, I was no longer the sweet young church girl. I was moody, angry, just down right mean. At the time I was too young to realize these weren't my character traits but those of all the women he had been with prior (soul ties). In this moment I began to beg God to wash me from my sins. This my sisters is where I became a repeat offender of the alter. I was so far from God, I couldn't even hear Him speak anymore. My desire to be filled by him was gone out the window. Instead I was full of lust, sexual music, and sin. Daily I played nothing but music talking about sex and had sexual conversations. I was a mess ya'll. One day after he got all he wanted he dropped me and didn't look back. Here I am thirteen with a broken heart, all kind of spirits, and oceans away from God. I was mad, hurt, and lonely. I only had myself to blame. I did an adult act expecting kiddie consequences. This was the real deal. Now I needed someone new to take away this pain( so I thought), and to feed this lust that had been breeding in me. Once again I found myself in bed with another man who didn't pay the price for me (marriage). Only this time it was different! The shame I once felt was gone, I enjoyed it and wanted more of  it. I continued to give this man more and more of me. I looked in the mirror and didn't even know who I was. Fourteen, two soul ties, and all confused. I developed self esteem issues and settled for any kind of man. See when we do things out of God's will it comes with a price to pay!! Boy oh boy did I pay with heart break after heart break. God shields us from those things by designing sex for marriage. God loves us and wants to protect us just like any good parent. I played this game with God for years. Feed my flesh, feel so low and dirty, and run to the alter for him to fix me. I wanted a microwave fix from God and not a true relationship. I wanted his power when I wanted it, but denied his power to make me live a holy life. So here I am in my early adult years and I'm tore up!!! Going to church but doing me, self esteem in the ground, have no standard for the type of man I wanted, and still at this same alter. Until one day I was praying so hard to The Lord. This time was different for me, I was at the feet of Jesus. I began to tell him all the ugliness in my heart. The hurt, pain, lust, just everything. I laid it at His feet for hours and cried out to Him for real this time. I opened my Bible and He led me to Revelations 3:15-16  " I know your deeds that you are neither cold or hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold- I am about to spit you out of my mouth. This shook my entire being. I didn't want God to turn His back on me. This time I stopped playing church and repented with a sincere heart. From that day on I relied on the Holy Spirit to help me walk upright and run whole heartily after Jesus Christ. Finding my purity again has been the best decision of my life. So today I challenge you to stop being a repeat offender and surrender everything unto The Lord....... He's waiting